Waiting

Tomorrow is my due date. For some reason I have always had it in my head that I would have bubba before my due date this time. I don't know why I thought that, as both my kidlets were born after my due date... It was just something that had always stuck in my head. So many other mums I know have their babies before their due date - often in that last week. I thought maybe I could do that this time too, but it doesn't look like that's the way things are going to do. It's early morning, so technically I still have sixteen hours or so for things to happen... but it probably won't.

The little man had his heart set on the baby coming today. He keeps asking me if I'm having pains in my tummy, and do I think the baby will come today... I really wanted the baby to come today too.

I didn't think I was getting my hopes up so much, but I was. I've woken up this morning more disappointed than ever that bubba didn't decide to start coming through the night. It's so silly. I was getting lots of tightenings and pressure yesterday afternoon, and I think that really got my hopes up. But I had nothing over night, and nothing so far today.

I was really feeling ready to go.

I think I'm just annoyed at myself for getting my hopes up so much. And annoyed for the potentially many more days I have ahead of me with this same disappointment. Argh - I just hate this waiting at the end of pregnancy! I wish I hadn't had it in my head that it might happen early.

Tomorrow is my due date - and I just don't know what to do with myself. I want to keep myself busy and distracted, but I don't have anything planned. The little man is off to school, so it could just be a quiet day with the little miss. I have a feeling it is going to be a looong day though. Hubby starts holidays the following day. It will be nice to have him home and here to help. Hopefully he can help distract me too. Ugh. At the moment I just envisage days and days, weeks and weeks of this mindless, never-ending, waiting. I am going to go nuts.

I feel like I am as ready as I can be. I'm in a state of being ready, and not ready. Ready for things to just happen because I'm so sick of waiting and I want to meet this baby... but also completely unable to fathom that there is in fact a baby in my belly, who will be joining us soon. I can't picture it, but I think that's normal too. I just want things to start!  I'd quite like to go and throw a little 2 year old tantrum now actually. Argh!!!

I thought I was doing okay at staying positive. I was... when I really thought things might happen last night/today. Now I'm just cranky and sad and irrational about it. I want it to happen now.

I need to remember one of the birth affirmations I have - "I trust my baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time". I just wish that perfect time was today.