Scan, coming soon

I had my doctor's appointment with my GP yesterday and it all went well. She has a thick eastern European or Russian accent, so I find her a little hard to understand, but she seems nice. She actually went over all my blood test results with me (I don't think I've had a GP do that in any previous pregnancies), and everything looked good. My iron levels are on the low side of normal, so I imagine I will end up needing to go on iron supplements later in the pregnancy.

I got all the paperwork I need for my scan - the nuchal translucency screening one. This will be my first scan for the pregnancy, so I'll be pretty nervous going into it. Anyway, I called and my scan is booked for Thursday 9th January at 11am! Only 9 days away! I'll be 11 weeks 3 days at the time of the scan, so hopefully my dates are spot on enough that it will be the right time for the scan. If not, I guess I'll just have to have another one a bit later. Fingers and toes crossed bub is healthy and growing nicely. I am still tossing up whether to take the kids. The little man would like to and would find it pretty interesting I think, but I'm not so sure about the little miss.

Hubby and I also went mattress shopping yesterday. We had asked everyone for money to go towards buying a mattress for Christmas - so we went shopping. Ended up finding one for $999 that was over $2000, and we only had to contribute $350 of our own money, so that was good. It gets delivered next Monday, and I cannot wait. Our current mattress is so awful, I am very much looking forward to having a comfy bed.

The rest of yesterday was spent at my parent's house with my little sister. She is moving to Melbourne (well, by the time I writing this she has moved). This morning we were all out at the airport to say our goodbyes. Lots of tears - yes, even from me. I will probably have a big messy cry about it when I get a moment to myself. I'm excited for her, getting to start this whole new chapter of her life - but I am going to miss her so much, and the kids are going to miss her, and she's going to miss out on my belly growing and a lot of the new baby growing up... She'll visit plenty, but it's not the same.

Anyway, that's what has been happening. I am feeling okay so far today, but I am quite tired. Hopefully I can get a nap later.

10 weeks!

10 weeks today! Apparently baby is now considered a fetus (instead of an embryo), has completed the most critical period of development and is now about the size of a prune.

I've been feeling mostly okay the past week. I have good days and bad days. There is always that lingering nausea/yucky feeling, but it's been more in the background. Mostly. Other times I feel well and truly crap, like last night where all I could do was lie on the couch feeling sorry for myself and moaning. I tend to feel pretty bad first thing in the morning, usually before I've eaten. I had a spew through the week one morning - though because it was early in the morning the only thing I had to spew was water and stomach fluid. Gross. I am working out what sets me off though, so am being a bit more strategic. I have to try and eat first thing and not breath in the smells around our kitchen, especially the fridge and pantry. Hopefully though, I am over the worst of it and things will continue to improve. I am still needing a nap most days though. I mean, I'm sure I could probably get by without them if I had to, but while hubby is home I am making the most of it. And I do actually fall asleep, so I must need them to some degree.

I have my doctor's appointment this morning, in about two hours actually. I think it's just to organise my 12 week scan - thank goodness. I am hanging out for it. Even though things seem to be developing normally this pregnancy, I still can't shake that niggle of worry that something is wrong, or the baby has died. Normal to worry though, and nothing I can do about it anyway. Hopefully once I've had the scan I can allow myself to actually feel excited about this pregnancy - cause so far all I feel is sick.

I weighed myself this morning as I do every week, and again I've lost a little bit of weight - now sitting at 68.8kg. I'm kind of surprised actually, as I am managing to eat a lot more these days. Still, not healthy weight loss. Exercise is still non-existent, and my food consumption is gradually starting to move more and more into the unhealthy region. I seem to be able to eat that stuff easier than anything though! I'm not giving up though. I will start going walking more as I start getting more energy, and eating better once I feel less sick. I caught a whiff of the little man eating an apple before and it smelt okay, so I may even attempt an apple sometime.

Bloating has been pretty phenomenal this week... as you can see:

I look way more pregnant than I am! But not all the time... though it is becoming a more regular thing. Considering how small baby is, I doubt it's much of my actually baby belly.

And my belly pic for 10 weeks:

I think I can see a difference this week... but then again, I think I'm wearing a smaller sized singlet, so that may have something to do with it too.

Now they know

Christmas is here! And that means we have told our families the big news.

I started yesterday with the little man. Before now I had told the little miss, but not the little man, as I figured she was more likely to forget, and even if she did say anything I could easily just say it was toddler babble. The little man is old enough though that people would take him seriously. So, until yesterday I had held off telling him.

I had him next to me on the couch, and I told him that mummy has a baby growing in her tummy. Straight away he was pulling at my clothes and trying to look at my tummy. I explained to him how the baby was very little now, but that it will grow and grow and that my tummy will grow and grow. He listened intently, and then looked at me carefully and asked "You're not joking?". I told him no, and he was very interested. I showed him some apps on my phone of pictures of babies at this stage of pregnancy (and other stages of pregnancy), and she he looked at that for ages. He has already asked me today if the baby is any bigger yet haha.
It's going to be really lovely being pregnant with the little man being the age he is. He understands so much and is so interested. I think we'll take him along to my scan, he'll like that I think. And having an independent midwife who will happily explain things to him along the way too... it will be really nice. So, now the kids know.

This morning, fairly early (after an early morning spew and some breakfast and a shower) we went to my mum and dad's house. We dropped off our presents, helped move some furniture around in preparation of tonight's Christmas celebrations, and of course, gave my parents their gift.

I told them we had one gift we wanted them to open before tonight, which they were curious about. But they opened it, and mum read out the poem while Dad followed along. Mum even got a bit teary and choked up! They were very happy for us, and it was such a relief to be able to be honest about how awful I've been feeling.

I then texted my brother and his fiancee with the news so they wouldn't be the last to find out.

Next, it was hubby's mum. She arrived at our house mid afternoon, and after she settled in we gave her her box. As hubby and I had suspected, she had suspected. She made some vague reference as to why she thought so, but we didn't really get it. Anyway, now she knows.

In amongst all this I have also been filling in some time make avatars for people on BB. I also had a quick play around with my pregnant avatar and came up with something I was happy with pretty quickly. I can't have it uploaded till I'm 10 weeks, but I'll put it here now anyway.

The only family left to tell is hubby's dad and partner. We won't be seeing them until Saturday I think, so in order to make sure they don't end up hearing before they're meant to, we are going to ring them Christmas Day with the news.

9 weeks

9 weeks today. Slowly chipping away at this sucky first trimester.

This past week has been pretty varied. I've actually had a few days where I felt okay, had a decent amount of energy and was only slightly nauseous. Saturday was a really good day - I was feeling pretty good. Yesterday (Sunday) however, was just awful. I felt terribly nauseous all day, I could barely eat, I kept needing to go and lie down even though I'd had a decent night sleep. By the end of the day I found myself vomiting up stomach fluid into our bathroom sink, because there just really wasn't anything in my stomach to come up. I had accidentally gone all afternoon without anything decent to eat, which probably didn't help with the nausea... and then it was a smell in the pantry (again, one that may or may not exist - hubby can't smell these things) that set me off. Smells are definitely a big trigger this pregnancy. I think the last couple of times it was more food related, but this time it is all about the smells. I couldn't stand the ripe (not even overripe) bananas in our fruit bowl, so I got hubby to peel them, wrap them in cling wrap and put them in the freezer. I'm sure they'll get used once I'm over this ridiculousness.

I'm still waiting on hubby to clean out the fridge. Uh, I hate it. It's like I have smell anxiety. I avoid the kitchen as much as I can, I'm too scared to go to the supermarket cause the smells might set me off. I'm really hoping I can get through Christmas dinner without too many problems...

Also this week, on Friday, I had my mum's group Christmas party. I was in two minds about telling everyone or not, but I suspected even if the opportunity arose I would probably chicken out. Something about drawing all that attention on myself makes me uneasy. I feel a little the same about telling our families at Christmas. Anyway, I didn't end up telling my mum's group, but to be honest I wouldn't be surprised if some of them suspect. I guess I was a bit subdued and tired and not my usual self, so a few kept asking me if I was okay. I just said I was tired due to Adele keeping me up because of her arm, which is partly true anyway. Still, one of the mum's in particular I'm pretty sure suspects. She and I go to the same gym and she had noticed I hadn't been for a while and asked. I told her I hadn't been well, and when she asked in what way I said I'd been really tired and run down. I kept catching her looking at me (with concern or with suspicion) a few times throughout the afternoon. It's probably good if she suspects anyway, as I was a bit worried about how she would take the news because she desperately wants another bub and her husband doesn't. Anyway, I probably won't be seeing my mum's group until after I've had a scan now anyway - so no more having to hide from them.

I weighed in at 69.1kg this morning. Still losing a bit of weight, but the weight loss has slowed down. This is probably a good thing, as like I said in previous posts, this weight loss isn't 'good' weight loss. It's been brought on by a very limited diet and probably a fair bit of muscle loss, seeing as exercise is pretty well non-existent now. I had such good intentions, but it is honestly so hard to even think about exercise when you feel this crappy. I still fully intend to get back into it once I feel better, but right now it is just too much to ask. I should go out for a few more walks at least though.

The next week has a bit to keep me busy. Christmas Eve tomorrow, so then our families will know at least. That will be a huge weight lifted I think. So, Christmas preparations should keep me fairly occupied for the next few days. Fingers crossed I feel well enough to actually enjoy it. The little miss has a check up for her arm at the hospital on Friday... not really looking forward to that, she's not a fan of the whole thing, poor little miss. Hubby's dad is supposed to be up over the weekend for a late Christmas celebration, and then next Monday (I'll be 10 weeks) I have my follow up appointment with the GP to organise my scan. I'm really hanging out for this scan, even though I don't think about it often. I don't think I'll let myself enjoy this pregnancy (not that it has been enjoyable) or believe it until I have seen a happy, healthy, live bubba in there. I imagine my scan will be around mid January, but I'll find out soon.

Here we are. Again, no obvious change. Maybe some slight change in the lower stomach area? I don't know - it's hard to tell. I'm starting to be more aware of changes down there in the last week or so. If I lie a certain way with my legs to the side I can kind of tell that I'm squishing something down there. And again, when I lie on my stomach it feels more obvious that I am not lying completely flat. Hopefully everything is on track.

A (not so welcome) distraction.

So, as it has been blatantly clear from my previous posts, I have been feeling lousy and pretty sad and sorry for myself.

But in the last day (well, a bit less than a full day), I have had a distraction. Not a welcome one by any means, but a distraction none the less.

My poor little miss fell over while jumping on the trampoline last night with hubby and the little man. Now, let me clarify, she fell over on the trampoline, she didn't fall off it. It wasn't a big fall, but as soon as it happened she was upset. Hubby took her inside, she was very upset and kept calling for me. It was time for bed anyway, so I thought she may have just been really tired. We got her ready for bed and I fed her to sleep in her room. But as I was feeding her to sleep, it was clear something wasn't right. She was unsettled and kept whimpering in pain. She wouldn't move her right arm, and even while feeding kept breathing funny, in pain. She did eventually fall asleep, but as I suspected, she didn't stay asleep long. We got her up, and she desperately wanted to sleep. She would whimper in pain for a bit, then drift off to sleep for a bit. That continued for a while, and eventually she woke up properly.

At about 9pm I took her into emergency at the local hospital. Luckily it was very quiet, and we were seen almost straight away. Initially the doctor thought it may have been something minor that, while painful, would resolve itself. But seeing as she wasn't sure, she ordered an x-ray. We waited for that, and of course when we went in for that, the radiologist asked if I was pregnant. I couldn't be in the room when they took the image, so poor little miss had to lie on the bed with these two strange men around her, and for the second image she had to sit on one of their laps while they took the image. She wasn't happy about it of course, but she did amazingly considering.
We went into the waiting room again to wait for results, and were quickly called in. It turns out she had an undisplaced supracondylar fracture of her right elbow. She had a cast put on, and then we were sent on our way home. We were only at the hospital for an hour - pretty good! The little miss did such an amazing job, and we were lucky to have a very friendly doctor who knew what to do to put her at ease. She even played Peppa Pig on her phone for the little miss while the cast went on.

It was a little bit of a rough night, but not too bad. Lots of breastfeeds. She was very tired today though.

This morning we went into the orthopaedic clinic at the hospital for a plaster check. As the doctor last night suggested, she needed her plaster re-done. She needed to have her elbow more bent, almost at a 90 degree angle. So she has that, and also has a sling now, all tucked under her t-shirt. This morning's trip to the hospital was not quite as good as last night. The little miss was scared and tired and the doctor we had was a loud man (she's scared of men she doesn't know at the best of times). All of that meant a lot of tears and screaming - but we got through it. We have another appointment a week from Friday.

The poor little miss is so tired. She fell asleep in hubby's arms on the walk into the hospital, and again in the car on the way home. I got her to sleep in bed once we got home and she slept for about an hour. She has been very quiet and struggling to do much for herself, but she's otherwise okay.

So, that has been my distraction. Obviously not a welcome distraction, but a distraction none the less. It has snapped me, if only temporarily, out of my sorry for myself frame of mind. I have felt pretty nauseous all day, but it has been much more in the background because I've been focusing on her so much.
We have about three weeks with her in the cast - which means she'll be in it over Christmas and into the New Year. A bit sad, but she's coping well so far. She's perked up a lot this afternoon. She and the little man are currently playing shops together. The little man is being lovely with her too - very considerate of things she may not be able to do for herself. Very sweet.

It's so wonderful that I am growing another one of these beautiful little people.

Feeling okay

I've woken this morning feeling okay. Feeling pretty good actually. Almost normal, I think. It's been so long since I've felt normal that I can't quite remember what it feels like.

I'm making the most of it. I've eaten breakfast and drank some water and had my vitamins, all without a problem. Then I went for a walk. I am trying to enjoy it while it lasts, because I may end up feeling crappy again soon. I'm also trying not to worry. I had another spew last night, so surely that's a sign that bubba is doing well. It's hard not to worry though.

My sister and I are taking the kids to the pool this morning, so hopefully that will keep me busy. And, well, I'm not sure what I hope as far as feeling sick or not. I hate feeling sick, but it's definitely reassuring.

8 weeks

8 weeks today.

I've had a rough few days over the weekend, feeling very off. Yesterday I had my first spew for this pregnancy. I'm not even sure what triggered it. We'd been out shopping, I'd had a few things to eat while we were out that I thought went down okay... but on the car ride home I started feeling really unwell, and once we got home and I walked inside, the smells in our house and fridge overwhelmed me and I thought it might happen. I went outside for some fresh air, and not long after I chucked all over the ground. It just kept coming - I doubt I had anything left in my stomach. Poor Adele saw me, and she has a weak stomach. She ended up gagging and then vomiting a little too, poor thing.
I felt okay after my spew, but only for about 10 minutes. Then the nausea came back, and I felt really, really awful for the rest of the day - worse than I've felt all pregnancy.
I had a big sleep last night, and I've woken this morning feeling a bit better, so I'm hoping that will last.

I told another friend, Alice, yesterday via text. We were texting about meeting up next weekend before Christmas (she usually buys presents for the kids), and she mentioned drinks and nibbles. So, I said back "Might have to count me out of drinks though..." to which she immediately guessed my news. She was among the first to know my previous two pregnancies, so it's nice to have her know this too. I think I'm just getting desperate to tell people because I feel so rotten. It's getting harder and harder to hide.

I weighed myself this morning, and I am now down to 69.4kg. So, apparently to lose weight I didn't need to be exercising 5-6 days a week and eating healthy... I just needed to fall pregnant and lose interest in food and live almost exclusively on carbs. It's not healthy weight loss obviously. Some of it could very well be muscle loss, seeing as I'm doing very little exercise now too. I had such good intentions, and I still do for when I'm feeling better... but I really am just in survival mode. I am eating whatever I can tolerate, and the only exercise I have managed in the last week has been a couple of walks. I am still aiming to get to Pilates and maybe yoga this week, as well as get out for a few walks, but I can never guarantee anything. It depends how I am feeling at that point in time.

Emotionally I am all over the place. I am feeling kind of down a lot of the time, mostly due to feeling so crappy. It feels never ending. I have a few moments of feeling good and normal, and they usually coincide with me feeling a bit better physically. They seem to be fleeting though. I haven't completely lost my sense of humour though, and I try to distract myself whenever possible. Like I said, I am very much in survival mode. I'll be glad when I can tell my parents and don't need to hide how crappy I'm feeling to them. Plus, they'll both be on holidays soon and might be able to babysit a bit. It's just this last week I need to get through where I have the kids by myself. After that hubby will be home and parents are off work - there will be plenty of people to amuse the kids for me, and hopefully I'll be able to rest plenty and just get through the next few weeks. Bring on second trimester.

And here is my weekly photo. Managed to muster up a smile for the photo. Still no big change in my belly, I think? I can't tell. I'm just all lumpy and bumpy through the middle, bloating doesn't help. I still fit my jeans, as in I can still do them up - but my morning sickness makes it awful to wear anything even slightly restrictive over my stomach, so I'm basically living in trackies and any other lose fitting pants.

Planning on  baking shortbread today to give out as Christmas presents, so hopefully that will keep me busy and pass some time.

How I'm going.

7 weeks, 3 days today... and I feel awful. Just awful. I've been nauseous all day, I want to have a sleep/rest but it's just not going to happen. The little miss has been in an awful mood which doesn't help.

I tell you what, feeling like this again is only making me more sure that this is going to be our last baby. I never want to have to feel like this again. It's not that it's incredibly severe morning sickness... it's that it lasts so long. I am only hitting the worst of it now, and I probably have another month or more of it. So, I hope I read back through this if I ever am contemplating having another. I hate morning sickness so, so much. I just don't cope with it very well. I don't feel like I'm even living, just surviving from one day to the next. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I am certainly struggling to find joy in my life right now.

Due to being in the midst of morning sickness, my healthy pregnancy desire has slipped somewhat. I'm just eating what I can, which doesn't involve much in the way of fruit and veg. I am still trying though. I had a banana before, and I've been managing a few meals with veggies hidden through them. It is really hit and miss what I can handle from one day to the next. I haven't fallen into full blown junk food only mode either though, so that is something. I haven't been as active. I just can't. I feel too sick or tired in the mornings, so that counts out a morning run. Gym classes are becoming more limited with what I feel up to. I don't think I can do the high cardio stuff, and I don't particularly enjoy tone up. That basically leaves yoga and Pilates. Pilates is on tonight, and I hope to go, but it's really going to depend on whether my nausea has settled down. Last night I made myself go for a walk. I may feel crappy, but I don't want to fall into a completely sedentary lifestyle again either. Definitely not as active as I once was... but I've got to listen to my body... and my body wants to rest, rest, rest.

The other thing worth mentioning is my crazy hormones turning me into a teary mess. Last night I was watching a comedy show with hubby, and I was laughing... and then the laughing turned into that hysterical, uncontrollable laughter, which then turned into crying. Not laughing crying either... I was genuinely cracking into a full blubber-fest cry-a-thon. I managed to control myself before it got too messy, but it was really odd, especially for me. I find myself tearing up at the slightest mushy, heart-felt thing on TV or online, and found myself randomly crying for no good reason today (the only thought I had was maybe I was just feeling sorry for myself haha).
It's hard too because I haven't told many people... there's very few people I can confide in (and they're probably sick of hearing my woes), and when I see most family and friends I have to put on a brave face. At least once my parents know, I can ask them to watch the kids more often so I can rest or curl into a ball. If not just for me, for the kids. It's been pretty boring at home, and I haven't been the most fun person to be around.

Fifty minutes till hubby gets home and I can start the night routine. I am hanging out for the kids to go to bed... I probably won't be too long after.

Two weeks till Christmas Eve. Two weeks till we tell the parents.

I think I've mentioned that we're planning on telling the parents at Christmas time. Christmas was coming up, so it just made sense. Plus, by then I'll be 9 weeks, so getting closer to being in the clear with this pregnancy.

At my sister's suggestion, I have composed a poem that we will show them at Christmas... and it goes a little like this:

"Buried deep beneath layers of flesh and clothes
Lies a little secret almost nobody knows

A funny little creature, now the size of a grape,
Growing to arrive around July twenty-eight

A new friend for your favourite little two
Another soul to love, and play games of peek-a-boo

So Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
We hope that our news brings you much good cheer"

I have typed up and printed the poem, and placed it inside a gift box with a ribbon wrapped round. My parents and hubby's mum will all be at Christmas Eve, so we'll give them their gifts then. It's probably a bit corny, but I wanted to do something different seeing as this is most likely our last bub.

7 weeks

7 weeks today!

I weighed myself this morning - 70.5kg. I am losing weight, and I'm not surprised with how little I have been eating. Eating is such an absolute struggle at the moment, I really have to force myself to do it. I remember losing 6kg in the first trimester when I was pregnant with the little man, and with the little miss I think I lost 2-3kg, so I will probably do the same this pregnancy too.

Still no real changes in my belly yet. I am sticking out a little more than the previous two photos, but I had had breakfast this morning, in my previous two pics it was before I'd eaten. I have noticed, however, that when I lie on my stomach in bed, I don't seem to lie as flat as I once did. I also feel a little bit of pressure in my uterus when I lie on my stomach... everything getting squished downwards onto it I guess.

As I have mentioned, I have been feeling pretty average. My own version of morning sickness has kicked in, and I spend my days feeling yucky and dreading the thought of having to eat. My list of fruits and veg I can bear to eat is quickly shrinking... I now can't bear to eat pear, apple, orange, banana, corn, broccoli (most steamed vegies actually). Some of them I have tried to eat and really struggled, others just the thought or smell is enough to put me off. Hubby did make a lasagna for tea last night that was packed full of vegies, and I managed to eat it, so at least I'm getting something. Salad vegies still seem to be okay, especially with a bit of tangy dressing. I even tried eating a piece of fresh bread yesterday, and it turned into a mushy dough in my mouth and I couldn't swallow it. Why does eating have to be so difficult? I'd be lying if I said it wasn't getting me down. Sometimes it does. Feeling like this all the time, and knowing you still have weeks and weeks ahead of it would be enough to get anyone feeling down. What I need is lots of distraction, but instead I seem to have very little to do. Christmas shopping is done, everyone is too busy to meet up, I'm too tired to do too much anyway... so days tend to drag a bit. Only two more weeks till I tell my family though, so I will try holding out for that.

As far as trying to maintain a healthy, active pregnancy, I'm doing okay. I'm definitely not as active as I was before, but I am still doing a bit here and there. Over the weekend I went to ATB at the gym Saturday morning (Abs, Thighs and Butt - half cardio, half toning class). Sunday morning I went and did a 10 minute run followed by weights. I'm feeling that in my upper body today. I haven't been running as much - partly because I'm tired, partly because I'm so paranoid about the dangers of overheating. It's the same with the Group Kick class I go to on Wednesdays. I love the class, but I am so worried about overheating. I have been going to pilates, and I think I need to start walking more if I'm not going to be running as much. I might try and go for a walk today actually.
The eating side, as I've mentioned, is a lot harder. I am doing my best not to fall into eating just junk food all the time. I've had little bits here and there, but I'm still mostly eating good food. Still a lot of carbs, but they seem to be the easiest thing to eat. I'm trying to get fruit and veg into me, but it's hard. I cannot wait for the second trimester - I think usually by 13-14 weeks I'm feeling pretty good again.

Following on from 'Worried'

So, after my post this morning about being worried about my lack of morning sickness, I have spent most of today feeling pretty average. Not full blown sickness and food aversions, but it certainly feels like everything has kicked up a notch. I have been trying to make sure I'm still eating a bit of fruit and veg, etc, but it's getting harder. I had my first involuntary gag after eating some orange this morning.

I forced myself to go to the gym this morning, even though I was feeling pretty gross. I kept up in the class fine, but I did find myself feeling a bit sick here and there. By the end I was having to take it pretty easy. I keep wanting to go and crawl into bed. I don't know if it's because I'm tired, or just because I feel yucky and want to escape it all.

I guess I feel slightly less worried now. So, one upside. But mostly I just feel yucky. Food is gross and I wish I didn't have to eat it, but unfortunately I do and I get quite hungry.

*sigh* Isn't the first trimester fun...

Worried

I am really not a fan of the first trimester. Everything feels so uncertain. I want to be excited about having a new baby, but instead I find myself not wanting to get too attached in case something happens. It's still very early days after all. I keep thinking that I've been too lucky. I've fallen pregnant so easy each time, and have had two complication free pregnancies. Surely my luck has run out? Surely it must be my turn to have a miscarriage or something? I don't know - I just feel a bit doom and gloom about it all today. I think part of it is because I don't feel as sick as I feel I should. I think by now in both my previous pregnancies I was feeling pretty awful and having food aversions to a lot of foods. I have been feeling a bit off and am having to force myself to eat a few things, but it's nothing compared to what it was like the last few times. As much as that early nausea, etc sucks, as it least it gave me some peace of mind. Now, I just don't know.

I wish now that I had ordered that early scan when the GP asked about it. I was thinking in terms of saving money and having as few scans as necessary, etc. But now I wish I had, just for peace of mind. There's still probably another month, maybe less till I have a scan. Such a long time to wait. I dread the thought of having a missed miscarriage... plodding along thinking everything is fine, only to find baby passed away at 6 weeks.

I just hate the waiting. I am trying to keep busy, but even then I'm always thinking about the pregnancy. Everything feels so slow.

Anyway, sorry for the downer post. Hopefully I'm feeling more positive next time.

The ball, it is a rollin'

I have finally got the ball rolling on all those pregnancy 'jobs'.

Yesterday I went to the doctor. I got a referral to have my bloods done, a referral to an OB (I'll get a letter in the mail) and will be going back to the doctor after Christmas to get my 12 week scan organised. Even though I will be seeing my midwife, the doctor I saw yesterday said she likes us to see an OB twice throughout the pregnancy - in the first trimester and then again later on (around 36 weeks I imagine).

After my doctors appointment I went straight to pathology to have my bloods taken. So, all those jobs can be ticked off now. Well, mostly. I had a call from the doctors surgery this morning, except I missed it. I listened to the voicemail. Tell you what, I was stressing quite majorly in those few minutes between listening to the voicemail and calling the doctor back. Luckily, all it was was the doctor wanting me to go back to pathology to get more blood taken to test my iron levels.

I was also discussing with my sister yesterday, interesting ways to break the news to my parents. She suggested a poem or something, wrapped up in a present. So, I have actually started writing one. When I've finished it, I'll post it here.

What else? I discovered a new found love for plain thins chips yesterday. Man they were good! I needed another sleep in this morning, so I must be tired. And I am quite hungry right now, but cannot think of a single food that is appealing. I'll have to force something down soon. I'm not experiencing full on food aversions, I'm not evening gagging at food. I just feel yucky. And that yucky feeling now seems intent on sticking around instead of coming and going. I don't know if this is as bad as it will get, or if this is just the beginning leading into something much worse. Either way, I probably have another 6 weeks or so of this to look forward to... yay. Still, it welcome in a way. Surely it must mean a healthy, sticky pregnancy.

Finally

Finally, last night I told my little sister about my pregnancy. As I had suspected, she guessed before I even got the words out. I just said "So, you want to know some interesting news?" and she straight away said "You're pregnant". When I said yes she laughed, cause she had been talking about this very subject with a friend that afternoon, saying that she thought I would tell her I was pregnant before she moves to Melbourne.

I think she's excited for me. It's hard to tell. She informs me she is the secret keeping master, so hopefully she can keep her mouth shut until Christmas when I tell the rest of the family.

Now that she knows and can be my babysitter, I have finally called the doctor for an appointment. Planning on just getting a referral for bloods and for the 12 week scan. Hopefully I can get the message across that I'll be going through my midwife and not the hospital without any issues.

The tiredness is continuing, and I've been feeling more nauseous. There is very little food that I find appealing - I'm just eating out of necessity for now. Carbs definitely seem like the easiest thing to eat, but I am trying to make an effort to eat more of a variety.

Oh, and after telling my sister last night, we started talking about gender. I happened to mention the chinese gender prediction calendar. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but it has been accurate the last few times... and for this time it is predicting a boy. So there you go. Maybe this one is a boy. Or a girl. 50/50 chance I guess haha!

A sleep in

I haven't been feeling very pregnant the last few days. I keep thinking I should be feeling really unwell and yucky by now, but maybe it hit later in previous pregnancies? Or perhaps morning sickness is going to skip this pregnancy?

Anyway, I have been a bit more tired than usual. I've been falling asleep on the couch most nights, and this morning I needed a sleep in. I dozed on and off and didn't get up till after 8am. Considering I am up before 6am most mornings, that really is a sleep in! We had a pretty big day yesterday, so I guess that may have contributed.

I am finding myself analysing things. Am I sick enough? Tired enough? Enough cravings? Basically, I am looking out for anything that will make me 'feel' pregnant. Early pregnancy kinda sucks for this reason. There is always something to worry about at every point in pregnancy - but these early days when the whole concept seems so unbelievable, I second-guess everything. At least later on you have the bump and kicks to comfort you somewhat. Now I just spend my days wondering if I am even pregnant at all.

On then upside, now that my cousin from overseas has left, I feel I can tell my sister about the pregnancy. I'm basically just waiting to see her, maybe today or tomorrow without my parents around. Then I'll tell her! I'm not sure how she'll take it, especially seeing as she is moving away soon. She's going to miss all this pregnancy and the baby. Yes, she'll fly home here and there, but it's not the same as her living here.

6 weeks!

6 weeks today. Is it just me, or is this the slowest moving pregnancy ever? I think keeping it from everyone is adding to that a little. I'll be telling my sister this week though, and then going to the doctors and getting bloods and organising my scan... maybe it will all feel a bit more like things are actually happening then?

I bought another pregnancy test yesterday. I hadn't done one for a whole week (go me, haha), and I think I just wanted that reassurance. I did another First Response one, and wow that line came up instantly and was instantly very, very dark! I compared it to my older tests, and yeah - I'm feeling good now. The line is much darker.

And seeing as I'm six weeks today, I have also taken another belly pic (well, hubby took it). I still don't think I'm seeing any difference, and if there is, I'd say it's mostly bloating and birthday cake! I have also gained a little weight - sitting at 72.2kg now. But again, that could mostly be birthday cake.

I was feeling pretty rubbish when hubby took the photo this morning, so please excuse the grimace/fake smile.
I wonder how long it will be till I start showing? It was very late with the little man. Much earlier with the little miss, but still probably not till early in the second trimester. I am really looking forward to the bump. To not being massively overweight, so there not being quite so much "Is she pregnant or just really fat?". I do so love the pregnant profile. I sat next to a pregnant mumma in mum's group this past Saturday, and I spent quite a bit of time admiring and rubbing her belly (with her permission of course). It was so lovely feeling that little baby moving around in her belly. That's what I'm looking forward to - the bump and the moving baby, and having those quiet moments together with just me and belly baby wriggling inside me.

I have been doing my best to keep up with exercise. I did ATB on Saturday morning which was good. I still have sore legs and obliques from that! I did go for a run this morning, but I'm struggling with running I must admit. To start with, I'm already worried about possibly overheating and damaging baby, but I also don't want to use this pregnancy as an excuse to become lazy and fat. But this morning, after my run I was feeling a bit off, slightly light-headed for awhile. I thought I wasn't pushing it too hard, but I guess I need to go slower. More of a jog than a run. I had my heart rate monitor on (using it for the first time since I got it), and my heart rate was up in the late 170's for most of the run. That seems far too high, yet I didn't feel like I was pushing it. So, am going to be very mindful of taking it very, very easy next time.