Welcoming Eloise Charlotte - 30/7/2014

This is the story of how we came to meet our third baby, Eloise.

Hubby and I had always known we had wanted at least three children, and even though life was wonderful with our two gorgeous kidlets, someone was missing.

Hubby and I hadn't started officially trying to conceive a baby, but we we stopped actively preventing, with the intention to start TTC in 2014. However, while I was visiting my friend Mel in QLD with the kidlets (hubby had stayed at home), I started suspecting that I may be pregnant. I mentioned my suspicions to Mel on the drive to the airport before flying home. She was very excited, and convinced me to do a test at the airport. We rushed around finding a pharmacy, then went to the toilets so I could do the test while she watched my kidlets. Sure enough, the test came back positive very quickly! I sent hubby a text saying "I'm bringing back a surprise for you", then jumped on the plane with the kidlets and flew home.
Hubby was so happy when I told him, and we worked out I was due on July 28th, which just happened to be my parent's 30th wedding anniversary.

The pregnancy went along without a hitch. I had an awful, awful first trimester with the worst morning sickness I have ever had. I was exhausted and tired all the time, couldn't function without a nap every day, and was so sick - vomiting a lot and for no good reason - so much worse than the nausea and food aversions I had with the other two kidlets.

Unlike my other pregnancies, we decided to keep quiet about this one. We told our parents and families at Christmas when I was about 9 weeks along, and then everyone else after a scan confirmed a healthy, happy baby at 11-12 weeks.

Once morning sickness disappeared and I started feeling better, things went much more smoothly. My belly grew very big very quickly, and lots of people thought I was much further along than I was. I started feeling movements around 20 weeks - and being my (most likely) last pregnancy, I tried to enjoy everything as much as I could. We tried to find out the gender at the 20 week scan, but we didn't get a definite confirmation, just a leaning towards it probably being a girl - so we just treated this baby as another wonderful surprise.

We chose to use the midwife we had had when I birthed the little miss at a local independent birth centre. We had such an awesome experience last time, it was a no-brainer really! We had thought about possibly having a home birth this time though, and eventually decided that was what we wanted. It was so nice being able to see my midwife again regularly, and I started reading about water birth, as I planned to use the birth pool for labour and birth.

My pregnancy plodded along without any issues. I had times when I struggled - just feeling exhausted - but that may have been partly to do with my iron levels, because once I started taking floradex I had a lot more energy, and by the end of my pregnancy I couldn't believe how good I was feeling physically. Emotionally I was all over the place. I was really struggling to get myself into a birthy mindset, but I did lots of reading and wrote lots of blog posts, trying to work through any issues I had as I discovered them.

I had really hoped that this baby would come early - well, earlier than my due date. I don't know why, as both my other kidlets had come after 40 weeks. But for some reason I had it in my head that this baby would come early, even if only a day or two. I had thought maybe the weekend just before my due date. But, that came and went and nothing happened. My due date came and went and nothing happened. Then, on the evening of 40+1 I started noticing that bubba was doing lots of 'burying' - I was experiencing a lot of downward pressure and twinges, and thought my plug may have started coming away. I of course hoped this maybe meant things might happen soon - in the next day or two. Through the evening while hubby and I were watching TV I sat on the fitball as I usually did, and noticed I was having a lot of braxton hicks. They were fine, maybe a little more intense than the ones I had been having, but the main thing I noticed was that they kept coming and weren't going away like they usually would. Hubby was completely oblivious, but I did mention to him not long before we were planning on going to bed that it might be a good idea for him to make sure he had an early night, as I had been having frequent tightenings and thought he better get some sleep just in case things started to happen.

We went to bed. Hubby watched some things on the iPad, and I finally wrote out my birth 'fear list' that Mel had been on me to do. After I finished that I attempted to get some sleep. The tightenings were still coming, and getting more intense. I remember lying in bed listening to hubby who kept sniffing and coughing, and for some reason it was really annoying me. At about 11.15pm he turned off the iPad and went to sleep. I tried to go to sleep, but these tightenings (which I guess by then you could call contractions) were strong enough that I couldn't sleep through them. At 11.39pm I sent a text to my friend Mel saying:
"So...Not wanting to get your hopes up, or mine... but I think things might be starting here. Early labour tightenings. Time will tell if it progresses into anything of interest. Been going on all evening, but definitely getting more intense".

Sleep still wasn't coming, and around 1am I got up, having given up on the idea of sleep for the night. I wandered around the dark lounge room, just breathing and swaying through the tightenings. I even sat at the computer and wrote a blog post to my baby... which you can read here.

Around 3am I received a text back from Mel, and we text back and forth. That was such a flashback to when I was in labour with the little miss! Being up like that through the night with pre/early labour just felt like when I was in labour with the little miss, and I think I had it in my head that this labour might end up being similar. By then, contractions were anywhere between 3-6 minutes apart, but not very consistent. They were still pretty tolerable by then, I was just able to breathe - practicing what I had learnt in yoga about breathing into the sensation, and having a tension releasing breath after each rush. Then I started having 10-12 minutes between contractions and I thought I might actually be able to sleep or rest... but when a contraction hit, ouch! The bigger interval between contractions seemed to result in a longer (about 60 seconds), more intense contraction. But with the bigger breaks I attempted to rest as much as possible, being aware that this was early labour and I could have many hours or even days ahead of this. I lay on the couch in the lounge room for the last part of the night. I had stopped timing contractions by then, but I think I was still getting a bigger break between contractions, and very intense when they did hit.

Around 5am I got up from the couch and wandered into the kitchen, rocking and swaying through contractions and using horse lips (Ina May) to get me through. Not long after, the little man woke up and came out to me while I was in the midst of a contraction. He sat up at the table in the dark, and waited for me to finish before then telling me he wanted breakfast. I turned some lights on and got him breakfast, stopping every now and then for a contraction. I explained to the little man that I was having pains in my tummy and that I had been awake all night. I told him that it meant that the baby might be coming today. I was still not convinced really - I hoped of course, but still thought I had a long way to go.

At 6am I sent my sister a message asking if she was free today, as she was going to help out with the kids while I was in labour. I told her I thought I was in early labour and to keep her phone close by. I was still very undecided as to whether I should send the little man to school, as it had always been our intention to have the kids there when the baby was born.
Hubby woke up around this time, after the little man went in and started talking to him, casually mentioning that 'mummy has been awake all night and the baby might come today'.

At about 7am I sent my midwife a text message saying "Good morning Anna. Just thought I better let you know that I am in early labour - have been having contractions all night. Hopefully, fingers crossed, today is baby day!"
I remember thinking to myself that wouldn't it be great if I had my baby by midday today... but seriously did not believe it was possible.
By this stage, contractions were definitely intense, but still not enough that I thought anything would actually happen soon. We decided we would send the little man to school - we could always pull him out early to come and see the baby being born we thought. So, in between contractions I went about making the little man lunch for school and getting him ready. Really, I just went about my morning as normal, checking facebook (to which Mel sent me a text asking what I was doing posting on facebook haha! - I didn't let on to anyone because I really thought I was in for another day of this early labour.)
I did admit that the contractions were already a bit ouchy by this stage, and most were lasting about a minute, but I just figured I was being a sook, and better suck it up for the hours/days ahead.
I did try retreating into my bedroom for a little bit at one stage, but somehow everyone followed me in there. I found this really irritating, so it was then I decided that I'd like to have my sister come and take the little miss for the day, so I sent her a text at about 8.30am asking her to come pick the little miss up at around 9am.

Hubby left to take the little man to school. We tried for a long time to convince the little miss to go with them, but it didn't happen. She was very insistent that she had to stay home. While hubby was out, I had my first few contractions where I found I was really having to vocalise through them. I was standing in the kitchen making noise, with the little miss asking me the whole time "What are you doing? What are you doing mummy?" Once the contraction was over, I explained to her that I was having pains in my tummy because the baby was coming, and that making noises helped. She seemed to be okay with that. Not long after my sister showed up and started getting things organised to take the little miss our for the day. I had a few more contractions while she was here, still needing to vocalise a bit. Hubby got back home, and my sister took the little miss out. After listening to me vocalise through one of the contractions, hubby commented that it was a bit of flashback to my labour with the little miss.

With the house to ourselves, hubby and I tried to decide how to tackle the day ahead. We thought to maybe take a walk to help things along, but first we decided to make sure the pool was fully blown up and get some stock pots heating on the stove for filling the pool later. I mentioned to hubby at around this stage that I had noticed I was feeling really dopey/sleepy after contractions, and that I wondered if it was hormones kicking in, or maybe it was just that I was really tired from no sleep the night before.
I knew I still needed to eat and drink plenty, seeing as this was only early labour still (or so I thought), so I told hubby he should go to the bakery to get some bread, so we could just grab ourselves a quick sandwich or something when we got hungry. At 9.30am, just as hubby was about to leave to go to the bakery, my midwife called to check on me. I really didn't know what to tell her - I was convinced that it was probably still early labour maybe - though contractions were pretty ouchy. I just had no idea where I was in labour, I couldn't tell, I felt so confused about it all. While on the phone to Anna, I had a contraction, but managed to just breathe through it - I had been having to vocalise before that. We talked about all the things that we might do to help labour along - go for a walk, etc. Then another contraction hit and I had to vocalise through that one. I think that must have clued her in that I was maybe a bit further than just early labour. In the notes she has written ' sounds like labour is progressing', and she did comment that the contraction was going for awhile - still about 60 seconds long. We said we would call back later if we needed her, and after we hung up, hubby went to the bakery quickly.

While hubby was out, I slowly wandered up to the little miss's room, and tried out being on my hands and knees, with the idea of helping baby into the best position. While on hands and knees I had a very, very intense long, strong contraction, then another not long after while I was kneeling, leaning against the little miss's bed. During that contraction I had a new, strange sensation 'up there'... I wasn't sure what it was really. I thought it was maybe just my cervix dilating... or maybe something a bit more. Hubby got home as I was slowly making my way back to the lounge room/kitchen. I must have looked a bit out of it or wrecked, because he asked me what was wrong. I told him I had just had a really full on contraction, and maybe things were further along than we thought, but I didn't know.
I stood in the kitchen leaning against the bench through contractions. I kind of felt like I was stuck there. The contractions were coming hard and fast, I was making a lot of noise through them - hubby commented they were coming really quickly now, and he started busying himself with filling up the pool. He spent some contractions next to me, rubbing my lower back. I also had a cold face washer for my face by then, as I was feeling really hot. Then I realised I was starting to make pushy sounds during contractions, and after that happened a couple of times, I realised that we really needed Anna to get here now!
Hubby gave Anna a call at about 10.23am telling her to come now. I was attempting to time contractions, and while he was on the phone to her they were about 4 mins apart, lasting 60 seconds... but then in the time between the phone call and Anna arriving, they suddenly went to 3 mins apart, then 2 mins apart, all lasting a good 60 seconds. I was still sounding and feeling very pushy, and was looking out the window in between contractions, waiting for Anna to arrive.
Anna arrived at 10.45am, and after seeing me through a contraction, called the second midwife to come straight away. Anna checked bub's heart rate. All was good, so she then suggested we go over to the birth pool. It was almost full enough for me to get in, but not quite - and besides, I just wasn't with it enough to even contemplate getting in.
Anna helped me take my pants and underwear off, and suggest I maybe get on my knees and lean on the side of the pool. She did ask a couple of time if I wanted to get in, but once I was in that kneeling position, I was pretty well stuck there. Somewhere in amongst this hubby asked me if I wanted to contact my sister to collect the little man from school to bring home, but I was beyond answering by then. The contractions were right on top of each other and I was feeling very, very pushy now, doing a few involuntary pushes.
At 11am, the second midwife arrived, and in the notes she has written 'Selina on hands and knees, leaning over side of birth pool. Hubby rubbing lower back. Loud groaning with some 'pushy' sounds during contractions. 2 minute contractions lasting a good minute'.
At the peak of another contraction, and starting to involuntarily push, my waters broke - a lot of waters! And then we were really in business with pushing. This was where I remember it got really hard - the pushing felt so good, but the stretching and stinging did not! By now I had lost my low groaning and was just plain old screaming. I remember I still had a face washer in my hand, which I gripped tightly and pressed against my face through the pushing. This stage felt like it went forever, it bloody hurt! And having to hold off and let everything stretch was so hard. I remember thinking how hard it was and how much it hurt, but was still able to think to myself that it would be over soon. That helped. At some point the midwives told me I could reach down and feel her head, which I did - but to honest I had no idea what I was feeling. And then, just for some extra added fun, while crowning, baby decided it would be fun to move around heaps! It was the oddest, most uncomfortable feeling, and I remember (amongst the screaming) sort of saying/screaming 'whoa!' Finally, after what felt like forever, her head was out! The midwives then told me to wait, but I don't think I had any control left in me, because suddenly the rest of the baby slipped out, and at 11.17am our baby was here! The cord was wrapped around the neck twice, so the midwife unwound that, and then I picked up our baby saying "You're here. You're finally here".

The midwife who caught her had said 'he' somewhere along the way, so I assumed the baby was a boy and that we would check later. But then the midwives started asking if it was a boy or girl, so hubby checked - and after checking, twice, we discovered we had another beautiful girl.
She didn't cry straight away and I kept touching her to check she was okay, and of course she was. Soon she pinked up and started crying. I spent a while looking her over - one of the first things I noticed were her fingernails - she has such beautiful long fingernails.
After a little while I started feeling a little bit funny in the head, and the midwives said they thought the placenta was probably about ready to come out. I passed our baby girl to hubby, got back into a kneeling position and soon another contraction came, and at 11.35am I birthed the placenta. We checked the cord had stopped pulsating, and then hubby cut the cord.

The midwives helped tidy me and our baby up, got me dressed and a nappy on baby, and then we moved over to our couch where baby and I lay down skin to skin. Hubby and I had a quick talk and decided we were happy with the name we had chosen - Eloise Charlotte.

Soon after hubby and I talked about ringing the little man's school so we could send my sister to go and pick him up early. We called my sister, not mentioning that the baby had already been born, to go pick up the little man and bring the kids home. Not long after, they arrived, and in came the little man and little miss. I'll never forget the look on the little man's face. He was in awe, instantly in love. The little miss was a bit more unsure, but fascinated by the little baby. She kept saying 'I like your baby' and 'it's a tiny baby'.

I still can't believe how quick everything was in the end. Once labour kicked in, it really kicked in! I'm still processing it all I think! I honestly had it in my head that I was in for many more hours, or even another day of labour before baby would arrive - but man was I wrong!

So...

Eloise Charlotte was born at home on July 30th, 2014 at 11.17am.

Weight: 3.74kg
Length: 52.5cm
Head: 34cm

Labour/Birth:
Stage 1: 1 hour, 45 mins
Stage 2: 32 minutes
Stage 3: 18 minutes

She is settling in to our family wonderfully - looking at her face, she seems so familiar somehow. I can't get enough of her, smelling her head, touching her cheeks. She is perfect.

To my dear sweet baby

To my dear sweet baby,

It is 1.45am and I don't think your mumma is going to be getting much sleep tonight, because it looks like you may have decided the time has come to join us.

You had been wriggling around a lot in the evening, and it felt like maybe you were trying to bury yourself deeper and deeper. I was getting lots of tightening - painless at first, but as the evening/night has progressed, they are getting more and more intense and requiring more of my attention to get through.

I'm feeling a lot of things. I'm still feeling a bit in denial that this is actually happening. After waiting for you for so long, and anticipating when things would start, I can't believe you're actually starting to come. We could be in for a long ride yet, but this definitely feels like the start. I have been trying to sleep, to rest, because if you're anything like your sister, it could still be a day or two before you arrive... but sleep is pretty tricky when these rushes sneak up on me. I may attempt to go back to bed again soon - but first I wanted to spend some time with you my dear, sweet baby.

Even though we've been together this entire pregnancy, I still find it impossible to imagine you. I have tried, and I love imagining you snuggled on my chest, cupping you head in my hands and rocking you, singing to you, feeding you, watching your little chest rise and fall while you sleep... but you are also an abstract idea in my head for now. I can't wait to meet you little one.

Right now the house is dark. Your daddy and brother and sister are all fast asleep, and I am sitting here at the computer quietly typing while I listen to the heater blowing inside, and the wind blowing outside. It's so nice that we can have this time together before you come. It was really important to me - I always imagined being up with you through the night, breathing through the rushes, and savouring our last moments together as one. You've quietened down after being a big, big wriggle pot before! But it's good if you're sleeping - one of us should. I will try to sleep again soon.

I love you sweet baby. You are so loved already. Daddy was so excited when we first found out about you, and he loves feeling you move around inside me. He is just as eager for you to come as me. Your big brother is so excited to meet you. He has been wanting you to arrive for a while now. He will be such a good, caring, sweet big brother to you. He is incredibly patient and loving - I can just picture how gentle he will be with you, lying on the floor next to you and softly patting your smooth little head. You big sister is excited too - she often tells me how she "likes your baby in your tummy", and for a long time through this pregnancy, she insisted that she had a baby in her tummy too. Your big sister is unpredictable, but oh-so-fun and loving and affectionate if you catch her in the right mood.
And while I have spent a fair chunk of this pregnancy complaining, I am so happy you exist. I am so happy to have had this beautiful time with you growing and kicking about in my belly, and I am so happy and excited for you to join our little family. Two little ones just didn't quite seem like enough, but three seems perfect. You, my dear sweet baby, will complete our little family... and soon.

It is now 2.22am. These rushes are getting more and more intense. I wonder how long before you will join us? Will you be born July 30th? Or take your time like your big sister, and not arrive till July 31st? Probably not August... please not bubba!

I feel like there is more I should say to you sweet baby. Soon enough this labour will take hold completely and there won't be any space in my mind for this sort of thing. I hope you are happy in there, enjoying the warmth and darkness of my womb for the last time, resting in preparation. Soon we will meet face-to-face, chest to chest - and it will feel like you were always here, and always meant to be here.

I love you my dear sweet baby. See you soon.

The good (for a change)

It's so common for us (you know, women in general) to complain about being pregnant and especially about all the comments, etc we get from friends/family/strangers. Everyone has opinions when it comes to babies apparently.

I haven't experienced this too much this pregnancy... in fact, I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the absolute beauty and miracle of pregnancy, and how, even in this day and age, it brings people together.

In the past few weeks, I have had so many people asking me about my pregnancy, wishing me good luck, etc. Even strangers from around my neighbourhood and school mums that I pass on school days have stopped me to wish me good luck, and have mentioned how they've been watching me grow. An older lady at a cafe this morning wished me luck, as did an older man at the supermarket last week, and many many people who serve me in shops. It's just lovely to see how a baby can bring about so much interest and well-wishing. That's the way I've been choosing to look at it anyway.

40 weeks - happy due date to me

Well, not so much 'happy' due date, as 'annoyed and frustrated' due date.

Yes, today is my due date. Today I am 40 weeks pregnant with bubba # 3. I really had thought and hoped that I wouldn't get here. I had really hoped bubba would be here by now.

With my other two I had things planned for my due date, to keep myself busy. Plus I never expected anything to happen. With this bubba, I really thought she might have made an appearance, so I haven't planned anything... I kind of wish I had. I want to take it easy, but perhaps the little miss and I will go out for morning tea or something. I'm sure she wouldn't say no to a babycino! At least that's something. I don't really want to do anything else too much, or stray too far from home. Today is hubby's last day at work too, so it will be good to have him around to help from tomorrow.

I did have a lovely comment from a mum at school drop off this morning though. She told me my belly was 'phenomenal' and that I looked amazing, and said how much she missed her belly. It was really lovely to hear. I already know I am going to miss my belly... but that doesn't change the fact that I just want bubba to come now!

After having a few nights in a row where I really thought it might happen through the night, I have kind of given up on that idea. Last night I went to bed expecting it not to happen. Logically I know that it has to happen soon... it just will. But in my mind I have kind of given up on it happening. I'm thinking ahead to what I'll be doing tomorrow, maybe even the day after... I just hate that feeling of disappointment, so I've kind of blocked my mind off to thinking that it might happen any time soon. I may still be here next week, all pregnant. I may still be here the week after. Maybe I'm just destined to be pregnant forever. Maybe I gestate like an elephant. I am ready and willing when this bubba wants to come... but I can't go driving myself nutty waiting around either. I say that now... I'm sure I'll have another hissy fit about still being pregnant in a day or two.

Anyway, below is my 40 week, full bloom belly. I might spend a bit of time doing some timeline photos. It is definitely an impressive belly!

Waiting

Tomorrow is my due date. For some reason I have always had it in my head that I would have bubba before my due date this time. I don't know why I thought that, as both my kidlets were born after my due date... It was just something that had always stuck in my head. So many other mums I know have their babies before their due date - often in that last week. I thought maybe I could do that this time too, but it doesn't look like that's the way things are going to do. It's early morning, so technically I still have sixteen hours or so for things to happen... but it probably won't.

The little man had his heart set on the baby coming today. He keeps asking me if I'm having pains in my tummy, and do I think the baby will come today... I really wanted the baby to come today too.

I didn't think I was getting my hopes up so much, but I was. I've woken up this morning more disappointed than ever that bubba didn't decide to start coming through the night. It's so silly. I was getting lots of tightenings and pressure yesterday afternoon, and I think that really got my hopes up. But I had nothing over night, and nothing so far today.

I was really feeling ready to go.

I think I'm just annoyed at myself for getting my hopes up so much. And annoyed for the potentially many more days I have ahead of me with this same disappointment. Argh - I just hate this waiting at the end of pregnancy! I wish I hadn't had it in my head that it might happen early.

Tomorrow is my due date - and I just don't know what to do with myself. I want to keep myself busy and distracted, but I don't have anything planned. The little man is off to school, so it could just be a quiet day with the little miss. I have a feeling it is going to be a looong day though. Hubby starts holidays the following day. It will be nice to have him home and here to help. Hopefully he can help distract me too. Ugh. At the moment I just envisage days and days, weeks and weeks of this mindless, never-ending, waiting. I am going to go nuts.

I feel like I am as ready as I can be. I'm in a state of being ready, and not ready. Ready for things to just happen because I'm so sick of waiting and I want to meet this baby... but also completely unable to fathom that there is in fact a baby in my belly, who will be joining us soon. I can't picture it, but I think that's normal too. I just want things to start!  I'd quite like to go and throw a little 2 year old tantrum now actually. Argh!!!

I thought I was doing okay at staying positive. I was... when I really thought things might happen last night/today. Now I'm just cranky and sad and irrational about it. I want it to happen now.

I need to remember one of the birth affirmations I have - "I trust my baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time". I just wish that perfect time was today.

Limbo (39+4)

I am in that oh-so-annoying stage at the end of pregnancy. Limbo is a good word for it... I am just waiting now, and my feelings about it swing back and forth, back and forth many times every single day.

Every night I go to bed wondering if tonight could be it? Will I go to bed and wake up with contractions like I did with the little miss? Every morning I wake up just a bit disappointed that nothing happened... and that disappointment will only grow as the days continue.

I hadn't really expected anything to happen just yet anyway - my due date isn't for another three days anyway - but there is always that hope that you may be taken by surprise with an earlier baby. My hope hasn't all gone either. I kind of have it in my head that it might happen this weekend. I wouldn't say I have a strong, intuitive feeling - more that I always picture going into labour on a weekend when hubby is home... and if not this weekend, would that then mean next weekend? That's ages away! I am trying not to get too caught up on the idea of bubba coming this weekend, because I'll most likely be disappointed. Still, hubby has his guess for Saturday (tomorrow) and the little man has his guess for Sunday. I went into labour with the little miss very, very late (as in 11pm) at 40+1... so if I don't go this weekend, that will probably be the next date I will be secretly hoping for... After that, I am probably just going to be a mess. The idea of going over by heaps - a week or more, just depresses me so much! You know, I've waited this long already - and I've (mostly) been so patient - why should I have to wait any more! Oh, and the idea of seeing people and them asking when the baby is coming/due/why isn't the baby here yet, etc - said in fun or excitement of course, but hard to take when you're overdue. Not to mention those whisperings and doubts that start to creep in, and you begin to doubt whether this baby is ever actually going to come out! To be honest, I am having those already - which is ridiculous! I'm not even at my due date yet! But a pregnant woman and logic don't necessarily go together.

And then, while I think all of the above... to make matters even more confusing and crazy, I also have times when I am content. Excited that it could be happening soon, but also just happy to enjoy the end of my pregnancy. Sometimes I am even glad that it's not happening yet, because I feel like I'm not ready. I mean, I am ready, but it's kind of nice to live in the life that I'm used to for now too, you know? I still feel like there is so much I want to do. I want to spend more time just being with this baby in my belly, because despite always saying I wanted to, I have barely done it this pregnancy. I so struggle to be in the moment, I am always thinking about what I need to do next. I think that's part of why I have loved pregnancy yoga so much - it was time to just think about and connect with bubba. I always intended to do some similar meditation at home, but it never happened. So I still want to do that. I still feel like I need to get to a birthy mindset, but at the same time I don't want to get too obsessed with it, because whenever I start reading birth stories or watching birth videos, I just want to do it now!

And let's not even get started on how I simply cannot comprehend that I am going to have a brand new little baby! You would think by number three that I could get my head around it by now, but I can't! I can't wait to meet this bubba, but at the same time I cannot comprehend that there is a bubba in there.

And so my mind goes back and forth, back and forth, over and over every day.

I kind of feel like once I am in labour - early labour, that my mind will click and I'll be there, getting in the zone and feeling 110% ready. The waiting around, the wondering when... that drives me bonkers.

But soon, very soon... my precious bubba bump will be here, and all of this will be forgotten. Long forgotten.

I'm ready

Bubba bump has run out of room. The last few nights when I'm lying down trying to sleep, I can feel bubba pushing against my ribs. It doesn't feel nice, and between that and sore hips, sleep is becoming harder and harder to achieve.

My body is screaming at me to slow down. I have felt really good (physically) for the most part. I am really surprised at how good I have been feeling actually. Shouldn't I be feeling more tired and sore and heavy and awkward? I certainly have my moments, but for the most part I haven't really slowed down. Then yesterday afternoon I started feeling like I was maybe getting sick, and by tea time I was an absolute wreck. I ended up going to bed straight after tea and resting while hubby got the kidlets to bed. I didn't sleep properly until around my normal bed time, but at least I was resting. I feel better this morning, but last night was a bit of a wake up call that I need to be resting and slowing down. There is a whole other human inside my belly that needs looking after, and I need to look after myself so I am then able to birth safely and then look after him/her.
So... I have done all the things that I wanted to get done before bubba comes. My big grocery shop is done, everything is piled in the corner and ready for the birth. I finished the birth book I was reading. I am ready. Last night, I even ended up saying to bubba "Just let mummy have a rest, then you can come". My aim from now on, until bubba comes, is to rest and relax as much as possible. No more of this rushing around and visiting people, etc. I just need to hibernate at home, spend these last days being with the kidlets, and looking after myself.

I am now at the point where I go to bed every night wondering if tonight will be it. I don't think the little man realised how close bubba is to arriving until I told him that - I told him the other night when putting him to bed that bubba could come tonight, or in two weeks. He was so excited when he realised it could be so soon. Even hubby told me last night how excited the little man was - whenever we talk about it he starts bouncing and sticking his tongue out (which is a good indicator of excitement haha).

So, dear little bubba currently taking up residence in my belly - we're ready for you. We're ready to meet you and cuddle you and have you be a part of our little family. There is so much love for you already, and we can't wait to meet you.