To my dear sweet baby

To my dear sweet baby,

It is 1.45am and I don't think your mumma is going to be getting much sleep tonight, because it looks like you may have decided the time has come to join us.

You had been wriggling around a lot in the evening, and it felt like maybe you were trying to bury yourself deeper and deeper. I was getting lots of tightening - painless at first, but as the evening/night has progressed, they are getting more and more intense and requiring more of my attention to get through.

I'm feeling a lot of things. I'm still feeling a bit in denial that this is actually happening. After waiting for you for so long, and anticipating when things would start, I can't believe you're actually starting to come. We could be in for a long ride yet, but this definitely feels like the start. I have been trying to sleep, to rest, because if you're anything like your sister, it could still be a day or two before you arrive... but sleep is pretty tricky when these rushes sneak up on me. I may attempt to go back to bed again soon - but first I wanted to spend some time with you my dear, sweet baby.

Even though we've been together this entire pregnancy, I still find it impossible to imagine you. I have tried, and I love imagining you snuggled on my chest, cupping you head in my hands and rocking you, singing to you, feeding you, watching your little chest rise and fall while you sleep... but you are also an abstract idea in my head for now. I can't wait to meet you little one.

Right now the house is dark. Your daddy and brother and sister are all fast asleep, and I am sitting here at the computer quietly typing while I listen to the heater blowing inside, and the wind blowing outside. It's so nice that we can have this time together before you come. It was really important to me - I always imagined being up with you through the night, breathing through the rushes, and savouring our last moments together as one. You've quietened down after being a big, big wriggle pot before! But it's good if you're sleeping - one of us should. I will try to sleep again soon.

I love you sweet baby. You are so loved already. Daddy was so excited when we first found out about you, and he loves feeling you move around inside me. He is just as eager for you to come as me. Your big brother is so excited to meet you. He has been wanting you to arrive for a while now. He will be such a good, caring, sweet big brother to you. He is incredibly patient and loving - I can just picture how gentle he will be with you, lying on the floor next to you and softly patting your smooth little head. You big sister is excited too - she often tells me how she "likes your baby in your tummy", and for a long time through this pregnancy, she insisted that she had a baby in her tummy too. Your big sister is unpredictable, but oh-so-fun and loving and affectionate if you catch her in the right mood.
And while I have spent a fair chunk of this pregnancy complaining, I am so happy you exist. I am so happy to have had this beautiful time with you growing and kicking about in my belly, and I am so happy and excited for you to join our little family. Two little ones just didn't quite seem like enough, but three seems perfect. You, my dear sweet baby, will complete our little family... and soon.

It is now 2.22am. These rushes are getting more and more intense. I wonder how long before you will join us? Will you be born July 30th? Or take your time like your big sister, and not arrive till July 31st? Probably not August... please not bubba!

I feel like there is more I should say to you sweet baby. Soon enough this labour will take hold completely and there won't be any space in my mind for this sort of thing. I hope you are happy in there, enjoying the warmth and darkness of my womb for the last time, resting in preparation. Soon we will meet face-to-face, chest to chest - and it will feel like you were always here, and always meant to be here.

I love you my dear sweet baby. See you soon.