Crazy pregnant woman

Wow, I have just been a crazy pregnant woman the past few days. I had a couple of days of being in an awful, awful foul mood. I'm really not used to being like that - I am generally a fairly positive person, but the past few days I was someone else. Negative, everyone and everything was annoying me... and put on top of this my obsessive negative worrying about bubba's position. I was just not in a good place. I wouldn't say I'm completely out of this mood yet, but I am definitely feeling better today.

I am trying to get past my worries about the baby being in a not ideal position... I am pretty sure bubba has gone posterior. I have been doing a bit of reading, etc about ways to get baby to spin... I've been obsessing. It's bad - it's just not healthy for me. I did find this on the spinning babies website though, which was nice to read:

We can’t panic just because the baby is posterior. Most posterior babies turn around, rotate, to the anterior during labor.

I need to remember this. Most posterior babies rotate to the anterior in labour. The little miss was partially posterior. There is plenty I can do in labour, and I assume the contractions help bubba to rotate as well. I am in such a silly place of worrying - and what good is it going to do? Absolutely nothing except make me feel bad and possibly pass some stress onto bubba.

I can't control this.

I need to calm down and just let things happen the way they happen.

I need to allow myself to get excited about this birth, and about finally meeting our bubba.

I'm allowed to be happy and enjoy this!

Now, I just need to drill this all into my head and start actually believing it. Honestly, I'm impossible. Someone slap me.

I am trying to get on with things and treat myself a bit. I had a pedicure this morning which was lovely - I wish it had gone longer. Tomorrow I'm booked in for a haircut, which I have been wanting for a long time. This weekend I am away with my mum's group which should be lovely and relaxing without the kids - one last relaxing, kid-free outing before bubba arrives. Then, early next week I am hoping hubby and I can go out for tea and see a movie - they may happen over a couple of evenings perhaps. I may even treat myself to something else next week - maybe a pregnancy massage, or a manicure. Something. I want to treat myself and try and relax and distract myself a bit. Who knows when bubba will come!?

I need to snap out of my crazy, negative mood too because I want to enjoy these last days/weeks with my two kidlets. I want to snuggle with them and just enjoy them, because it is going to all change so much once bubba is here. I have been so absorbed in my fears and doubts and everything else birth-related that I haven't been fully present with them, and I think they have picked that up, because they have been acting up more than usual. It could be that they would have been like that anyway (bored, school holidays, too much TV, etc), but my negative mood has not helped at all. I need to slow down, breathe, relax, and just be in the moment. Be with my kidlets: my gorgeous little man, my funny feisty little miss and my precious bubba that I can't wait to meet. Oh, and hubby too of course!

I am seeing Anna in about an hour, so I'm hoping she has remembered to bring the birth pool, and I'll hopefully get some of my thoughts/worries out.
And I have my support from afar. Some beautiful texts from some beautiful friends - whose support means more to me than they realise.

Update: So, Anna has come and gone. The birth pool and accessories are now in our house! We can now do a trial run with it sometime, make sure everything fits and is ready. I am so want to fill it up and have a bath of sorts in it too - it will be good to get a feel for the pool, and moving around in it, try out positions, etc.
It's getting close! It's getting real!

I was also able to have a quick chat with Anna about my worrying/obsessing about baby's position. She reassured me most babies will rotate, especially this being my third. All it means is that my labour might muck around in the beginning like it did with the little miss. We talked about coming up with some positive affirmations that I can write down and stick up near the birth pool... leaving the negative thoughts behind and replacing them with something positive.
As it is, when Anna checked for bubba's position, he/she was in LOA anyway... perfect position! I honestly thought bubba was posterior because I had been getting pokes close to the middle of my belly, but maybe it wasn't a foot like I thought, but the side of a leg or something. Anyway, it is reassuring to know bubba does in fact know how to get to a good position, even if he/she doesn't stay there. I'm not expecting bubba to stay there with so much fluid to swim around in, but it should mean that when labour starts, if bubba isn't there already, he/she should be able to get there... and hopefully things will be lovely and straightforward.

Maybe, just maybe, I might get the beautiful birth I had envisioned after all.