I have been feeling pretty good physically, for the most part. I've been quite energetic, my house is so tidy! I guess it's nesting - I have been so on top of my housework and washing for the past few weeks. I have managed to go for short walks (15-20 mins) three days in a row, and still managing to keep up in my pregnancy yoga class. I've been keeping myself busy in the body - I think partly because I don't want to get caught lounging back on the couch... I'm still thinking about bubba's position a lot.
However, today I am exhausted. Kids were up at 5.30am, hubby and I got up with them at 6am... this isn't unusual, but I am really struggling today. I have already had a couple of lie downs - with the intention of reading, but I keep drifting off.
So, I really need to listen to my body and take it easy today. Really, I need to be taking it easy most of the time... I need to be well rested and ready for when labour finally begins.
Mentally I am just all over the place. I have moments of feeling really positive, moments of absolute fear, moments of annoyance that it's not happening yet, moments of complete denial that it is all happening so soon. I managed to get to a place of feeling positive about the birth... about it all going well no matter what position the baby is in, about being in the right headspace... but it doesn't take much for that to all unravel and me start obsessing and worrying again.
I had a friend visit yesterday - one of the friends who had a traumatic birth - and I discovered that she is not the best company to keep as I approach this birth. Her intentions are all lovely, but she does my mental state no good. She spent so much time yesterday with her over-the-top "I really hope you get a good birth" said with concern and genuine worry in her voice. I don't need that - I need people telling me "You will have an amazing birth, you will do it, you will rock this birth" etc. I know there is no way to know that for sure, but it is that attitude and encouragement that I need. I remember when I was pregnant with the little miss, I must have been voicing one of my concerns with my midwife, and she simply said "You will do it". Those simple words were enough - suddenly I just believed that I would. And I did.
This friend of mine also got very concerned about baby's position, terrified for me to have a posterior labour. It was just so not what I needed when I already obsess about the baby's position enough as it is.
So, I think I need to avoid seeing her again until the baby comes... and hope that she doesn't realise. I don't want to offend her, but I know what I need at the moment, and her version of 'support' is not it.
To be honest, I keep anticipating that over the next week or two, I am kind of going to want to withdraw from friends, and everyone, anyway. I feel like I'll need to be alone to feel my feelings and get myself in the right head space, and I think that will be easier if I can be alone (well alone with the kidlets) as much as possible.
I have a few things going on this week, and this weekend I'm away with my mum's group, but after that I kind of just want to keep to myself. I have had it in my head that I want to be ready for this baby by 39 weeks - just in case bubba decides to come a little early. There's a few things I still want to do... obviously there is getting the birth pool here and getting my birth space set up, then there is the mum's group getaway, and I want to have my haircut, and I'd like hubby and I to go out on a dinner and movie date... you know, last one in awhile! Maybe a pedicure too, cause I actually had one at the end of my other two pregnancies.
And I hope to get to a place of feeling ready... because I don't think I'm there yet.
I am feeling pretty emotional today, maybe because I'm so tired. Or maybe because I'm 38 weeks pregnant. Either way, I anticipate some tears today - and probably for no apparent reason. Isn't pregnancy fun!?
Oh, and here is my belly pic. My big 38 week belly!
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