As of today I am considered full term and bubba bump can feel free to arrive any time. Having said that, I do not anticipate anything happening for another 2-3 weeks yet... or more. I would love to go a little early this time, but seeing as my other two kidlets were both born over 40 weeks, it seems unlikely.
I have had a kind of difficult week. I am starting to feel like I am really not coping. The kidlets are on school holidays now, and the little miss has decided that now would be a fantastic time to turn into a devil-child. She has gone backwards with toilet training - it's like she's gotten bored and isn't even trying anymore. She is having these random meltdowns that go on and on and on where she can't be consoled and nothing seems to work to distract her out of it. She seems to be having one a day, and I just don't know what to do with her. Both kidlets want things from me all the time - even when hubby is home they call out to me first, and often even refuse to let hubby's help, etc anyway. All of this I am usually fine coping with... But at the moment I am not. I am heavily pregnant and finding that i really want to withdraw into myself, but this is impossible with the kidlets. I have managed to catch some kind of bug/cold (desperately hoping it is not the awful flu that is going around), so I am not 100% anyway. I've lost count of the number of times I've randomly started crying over the past few days. For the first time yesterday I actually found myself thinking "I just want this baby out and this pregnancy over and done with"... So yeah, definitely must be getting to the over it stage. I lost it at the little miss last night over something so small and unimportant - I scared her and myself. I am just not coping - and I still have two weeks of school holidays left - home alone with the kidlets every day. I'm dreading it to be honest, and I hate that because I should be using it as our special last few weeks as just a a family of four before everything changes. I want them to feel loved and special and prepared as best they can be for the big changes about to take place. I need to snap out of this sad and sorry for myself mindset!
We are almost all ready for bubba's arrival now. The bassinet is set up, I had heaps of white bonds wonder suits given to me - so bubba actually has a decent amount of clothes now. Hubby spent quite a few hours yesterday trying to squeeze all three seats into the back of our car. They do fit, just, but we are having trouble accessing the buckle for the little man's belt. We're still trying to come up with a solution for that.
Apart from that, it's just being ready and set up for the actual birth, which won't be happening until my midwife drops off the birth pool. I'm seeing her tomorrow for an appointment, so I'm kind of hoping it might be ready for her to bring with her then. I want to have it set up soon so I can feel organised. Finished. Ready for bubba bump to arrive. I have it in my head that everything has to be completely ready and organised by the time I am 39 weeks.
Speaking of the birth, I had a dream last night that I went into labour. I was struggling, but I did get to fully dilated and my waters broke... but then nothing happened. I never felt the urge to push or feel the baby move down or anything. I'm wondering if this is a fear I have? I hadn't thought about it like that before now, but it does make sense. Whenever I think of the birth, I can only ever visualise myself labouring... The pushing side of things I just can't seem to conjure up. I will mention it to Anna tomorrow I think. I don't feel ready for the birth at all right now. I feel too weak and fragile.
Anyway, I am very much hoping for a more positive week. Hopefully I can get over this cold and get out of my funk. I don't want to feel like this - it's not fun for anyone.
I haven't had my photo for this week taken yet - I'll add it when I get hubby to take it.
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