14 weeks 4 days (bit late this week)

We were away on our little holiday when I was 14 weeks, so I missed my usual weekly update. We got back on Tuesday evening (today is Friday), but it has taken me this long to actually think about writing here.

Overall I am feeling good. Really good. Back to my normal self good. I'm not nauseous or sick anymore at all, and the tiredness that was still hitting me occasionally seems to be going too. I'm getting more and more back to eating normally, and I am mostly managing to do my everyday stuff without falling into a heap at the end of the day.

I guess I'm in that in-between period where the sickness has passed, but I'm not feeling movements yet - so most of the time I just don't feel pregnant at all. The only reminder I have is my expanding belly and a few uterus twinges every now and then. I am definitely enjoying feeling normal again - having been so sick and tired for so long (what was it, like 6 weeks or so) I am appreciating being able to enjoy food and do the grocery shopping and keep the house looking somewhat presentable (instead of the bombshell it was for awhile back there). Just normal stuff that I can appreciate because I am feeling well again.

I weighed myself yesterday morning and this morning, and both times came up at 71.25kg. Oops, I appear to have packed it on over the last week and a half! I can blame the holiday on that, and probably just the fact that I am eating normally again, so eating more. I mean, I get up and have breakfast in the morning, and then need a second breakfast before 9am - I get so hungry! Now that I am feeling good again, and now that we're home from the holiday - I have been trying to make more of an effort to eat well. I've been making myself salad sandwiches for lunch, and our nightly meals have had a lot of veggies in them too (thermomix 'fried' rice one night, a steamed salmon and veggie 'stir fry' the next). I haven't attempted plain steamed veg yet... I might wait a while longer for that. Fruit is slowly becoming okay. I've been enjoying watermelon and crunchy grapes. So, I'm getting there. I may actually manage my healthy pregnancy after all...
As for exercise - I didn't do any conscious exercise while we were away, but we did walk a little here and there. Since we've been back I have gone for one walk, and plan to tomorrow morning with my mum. When we have more money (next pay month) I plan on starting pregnancy yoga, and as for the gym... well, I may have accidentally not had enough in the account for the direct debit last time, so I'm not sure where my membership actually stands. If it's still good, I should go in. I think I'm nervous about it because it's been so long since I've been in. I almost feel like I'll get in trouble haha! But if it is still fine, I'll go in and get a pregnancy-friendly program done up for me.

On a side-note to the exercise thing... when I was going for my walk yesterday morning, I noticed for the first time ever that my pelvis felt a little sore. Nothing too bad, but definitely noticeable. I had intended to see a chiro this pregnancy anyway - just to help line everything up with the hopes of it meaning baby will be in a good position for birth - but having this pain has prompted me to consider making an appointment sooner than later. Again, cash is tight this month, but next month - definitely.

February is lining up to be a big month, for pregnancy/baby stuff and just in general for our family. Firstly, the little man is starting school! He has kinder orientation on Feb 5th, and then starts properly on Feb 10th at 10am.  We bought his school uniforms on Wednesday, and he tried them on... and oh my!

I'm still processing how I feel about it. I'm definitely excited, and he is excited. But at the same time, this is the first big letting go of my first baby. He's never even been to childcare, and the longest I've ever been away from him was over one weekend last year when I went to QLD with just the little miss. It's going to be an emotional time.

The same week the little man starts school, he also has his birthday. He turns 5 (that's one whole hand we keep telling him). It's just so unfair how quickly the time goes. My sister is planning on coming home for a night around his birthday too so she can see him. That will be really nice to have her here.

Also, the same week the little man starts school, I can finally book my first appointment with my midwife! Hooray, I've been hanging out for that. It will be so nice to see her again and start talking about the birth and checking in on bubba bump. Less exciting, I have a phone booking in appointment with the hospital that week too.

And I guess the other big thing for Feb (which may or may not happen in Feb) is that my scan will be around then. I still need to go to the doctors to get my referral for that scan. I'll be 18 weeks on Feb 24, so I guess my scan could be in Feb, or early March. Soon anyway. I'm still undecided about finding out the gender or not. We knew with the little man. We wanted to know with the little miss, but she had other ideas. I like the idea of a surprise, but I also feel finding out the gender helps a little with bonding and preparation. I guess we will see.

Now, I didn't get a proper belly shot in my usual clothes and location this week, but I did sneak a belly shot in the bathroom of a cafe while we were away...

Some days I think I look super pregnant, other days I think I just look extra fat... Anyway, its only a matter of time before it's unmistakeable. I have to admit I do feel quite self conscious sometimes - like I feel people looking at me trying to decide if I'm pregnant or just fat. It doesn't help that I am finding myself doing exactly that at the moment! Or that I saw a very slim mum at the school the other day who I overheard is due the same time as me, and she just looks lovely and slim with this cute little tummy just starting to show... and she was onto baby number 4! Anyway...

I guess the last thing I want to talk about this week is the emotional aspect of this pregnancy. I haven't touched on it much, and to be honest I haven't spent much time thinking about it... which isn't good. I really wanted to make an effort to enjoy and appreciate this pregnancy, especially as it's likely to be our last. All through the first trimester I was just in survival mode, and I guess I didn't let myself get too attached to the pregnancy/baby because it was early days and I was well aware it could all not work out. The scan was awesome and I felt wonderful for a few days after that... And since then I've just been cruising by. I am aware and appreciative of the physical side - I like watching my belly expand (even if I'm not a fan of the current shape) and I like those little twinges I get, because it's a reminder. I like thinking ahead and realising I get to have all those baby cuddles again... but I guess what I want to do is take more time to consciously sit and be in the moment and maybe even talk (even if just in mind) with this baby growing inside of me. Something for me to focus on I guess. Perhaps I will find it easier when I start feeling movements... (though I think that is still many weeks away with this silly anterior placenta).

So that is me... I will write again in a few days I guess!

The bump is emerging!

Over the past week I seem to have popped. Suddenly I'm catching my reflection in the mirror and looking quite rounded through the middle. It's sort of caught me by surprise, as I just wasn't expecting to be showing in any kind of obvious way for many weeks. Certain clothes accentuate it, but I'm noticing more and more that there is a definite belly there. I picked a chair up to move it today, and holding the chair against my stomach I can tell there is much less 'give' with my tummy - it doesn't squish in like it usually would.

I don't know why I'm so surprised to be showing this early. It is my third pregnancy after all, and I am 30kg lighter than my previous two pregnancies, so there is less tummy fat to hide it, and less of that "Is she fat or pregnant" kind of questioning that you internally ask yourself when you see women in passing. A few girls in my mum's group commented on my growing bump last time I saw them (in a lovely way - they're all beautiful ladies), and another friend mentioned it too when she saw me today.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around it to be honest. I think, because I have been a bit mentally behind this pregnancy as previously mentioned - this bump has thrown me. I guess I'm trying to mentally catch up and realise that I am actually getting to be fairly pregnant now haha! Yes, most of my tummy is not baby - more all my organs being pushed upwards I suppose. But that tummy is there and reminding me of what is in store.

I am also starting to definitely feel that heaviness in my uterus, and I do get achey sometimes. I even get a bit of a sore back if I've been on my feet for a long time. I'm not even 14 weeks yet! Anyway, this pregnancy is certainly becoming more and more difficult to ignore!

And as a way of wrapping my head around it, I keep taking photos of the bump. Here are a few of them:

We are heading off for the long weekend tomorrow, so I won't be home to post my 14 weeks update, but I will not too long after we get home.

13 weeks

13 weeks, and I am feeling more and more like myself. Almost back to normal.

I think the worst of it now is that I get tired and exhausted more easily than I did pre-pregnancy. If I have a big day, I generally end up needing an early night. I haven't been having naps during the day for awhile, but I do find I need rest periods of just sitting/lying down in between bursts of energy. I wouldn't say I feel sick anymore, and it has been about a week and a half since I had a spew - yay, go me!

I am enjoying eating again, and slowly starting reintroduce some fruit (not veg much yet). Over the weekend I went to a friend's birthday party, and I was able to eat watermelon, strawberries and grapes. My parents also gave us some cherries, and I have been able to eat those. Enjoy them even. It's such a relief to know I can start eating some good stuff again. Even though I couldn't even tolerate the idea of eating fruit/veg while I was sick, I think my body was missing those foods too. I have also rediscovered yogurt. I don't generally eat yogurt, but I bought some lovely flavoured greek yogurt through the week, and I loved it! I'm hanging out to buy more, and maybe even just get plain greek yogurt at some stage to have with a lovely fruit salad. Mmm, sounds nice.

I weighed in at 69.2kg this morning, so slowly gaining I think. Makes sense - I'm eating more, and baby is growing. It was bound to happen at some point.
But... as far as a healthy, active pregnancy goes... I am finally making progress! I've already mentioned the food side, and I think that will just continue to improve over the next few weeks. I'm even considering making some of my healthy treat balls, perhaps lemon balls. I could not even think about that sort of food a few weeks ago. Progress!
And, yesterday morning, for the first time in over a month, I went for a walk! I went with my mum, just to test the waters and see how I felt. I felt okay, and today I am a little sore in the hips, but otherwise feeling fine. So, my aim is to go walking 3-4 times a week. I may also go back to the gym soon... that seems a little daunting though. I have looked into the pregnancy yoga class I want to do through the yoga centre, but that will have to wait another month when we have a bit more money spare (it's going to be a tight month). I'm looking forward to that.

My belly is definitely starting to expand. I wouldn't say I look pregnant, but my belly is definitely sticking out more. I'm in that annoying in between stage where I just look fat and thick around the middle, without having that lovely rounded pregnant shape. Some pre-pregnancy jeans have no chance of doing up, one I can do up, but I couldn't wear them - not comfortable at all. I wore my maternity jeans yesterday to a kids birthday party, and I have to say, my maternity jeans actually make me look more pregnant. Some of the other mums there even commented on my belly. I've never liked the shape of my pregnant belly in the beginning. It's never very rounded - more sticks out and then goes flat and floppy at the bottom haha. Anyway, plenty of time for it turn into that lovely round pregnant shape I love.

Lastly, here is my 13 week belly pic.

12 weeks 1 day

My mother-in-law stayed overnight, so I sort of missed doing my weekly update yesterday. Anyway, doesn't matter - one day late isn't going to make a difference.

I'm definitely having more good days than bad, but I'm not completely out of the awfulness. I think I mentioned already, but the afternoon after my scan I got hit with unbelievable exhaustion, and later on had a big spew. It came on so suddenly, but I felt so awful while it lasted. I also tried eating a banana for the first time in weeks, and only got halfway through before I gagged and couldn't eat anymore. I've had a few other days where my energy levels are low, and then other days where I'm okay but end up conking out early. Yesterday was like that. I was feeling okay - not great, but okay, and I managed to get through the whole day fine, even cooked tea... then once I got the little miss to bed I went and lie down on our bed, and fell asleep. And that was it for night. I woke up long enough to get changed and brush my teeth, but then went back to bed.

I am starting to find more foods I can handle, and there is even starting to be some enjoyment in eating again, thank goodness! I'm still definitely not back to normal, but I'm on the way.

I forgot to weigh myself before I ate breakfast, but after I was 68.7kg - so I still seem to be holding steady with my weight. Which is good I guess? I don't know - I'm slowly starting to eat more I think, but I still haven't started exercising. I am starting to think about it though. I'm thinking on the weekend I might go for a walk with mum, and then start going a few mornings a week starting next week. I'll have to go in the mornings - it's far too hot at the moment to go any other time! In another week or two I might brave the gym and ask to have a program made up for me - something suitable for a pregnant woman! And I do also want to look into pregnancy yoga... but that's a bit of money. Might have to wait another month... Anyway, I'm starting to feel well enough that I'm contemplating exercise again, so that must be a good sign! Maybe I can finally start having that healthy, active pregnancy I was hoping to have.

What else can I mention? Lots of stretching and aching starting to happen. I was lying in bed the other night on my side and I sneezed, and OMG the pain! Sometimes when I get up from sitting too quickly I feel quite ouchy. I've also started noticing (now that I'm a bit more active), that I get a bit heavy and achey feeling down low when I stand up for an extended period of time. Everything moving and loosening I suppose - pretty standard from what I remember with my last two pregnancies. Apparently my uterus should now be rising above my pubic bone, so I guess I'll start popping out a bit soon. I can feel the top of my uterus when I'm lying down in bed - not that I like poking and prodding too much, I don't want to bother little bubba bump in there!

Emotionally, I almost feel like this pregnancy is only just starting now for me. It kind of feels like I've just been sick and depressed for weeks, and only now do I feel like the pregnancy has started. The scan was definitely a turning point - it makes it seem real, and knowing there is a healthy bubba in there gives me that reassurance I needed to allow myself to 'feel' pregnant. And because I only now have started feeling pregnant, I'm a bit behind in my head about where I am in the pregnancy. Like I can't quite wrap my head around that I'll be starting to show over the next few weeks (most likely), and I can see my midwife Anna in 4 weeks, and that in 8 weeks I'll be halfway through the pregnancy. My confused mindset is making the pregnancy go fast! On my good days I even kind of forget that I am pregnant, as my good days become more and more, and I'm absorbed in other things (namely my little man starting school *sob*), weeks will have passed without me even realising. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, the pregnancy going fast. For now it feels good, cause I'm still coming out of the awfulness of the first trimester, but I'm hoping I can catch moments to savour and enjoy this (my last) pregnancy.

And here is my 12 week 1 day belly pic. I think I am starting to grow a little? I definitely have days when I have a little belly, and then other times when I don't think I've grown at all. Anyway... I'm sure we will see some growth over the next few weeks!

And we're public!

Now everyone knows! And it is such a relief to be honest.

In the afternoon of the day of my scan, I saw one of my friends. I sent her a cryptic text saying I had something to show her at my house, and would she be able to pop by that afternoon. She sent one back saying she could... but I think my cryptic message worried her, cause not long after she sent me another text asking if everything was okay, she was concerned. I assured her I was showing her something good! She came about an hour later and I brought her over to the computer and showed her the scan photo on the screen. I think I stunned her into silence a bit. She really had no idea. She hugged me and said congratulations. We started talking about other things, then she would shake her head in disbelief and say that's great, etc. Not quite the reaction I was expecting haha, but I had confused the poor thing with my cryptic text.

Then last night we had other friends (a couple) over for a BBQ tea. We told them over dinner. A pretty subdued reaction, but they're both fairly quiet, so I wouldn't expect a big reaction from them haha. Plus, I guess by number three, pregnancies and babies are old news. Anyway, they were really happy for us. I'm fairly sure they are trying for a baby, so fingers crossed it happens for them soon and we can be pregnant together!

That was everyone we wanted to tell in person, so the next thing to do was post an announcement on FB - that generally covers everyone else! I posted this photo and announcement:

"[we are all] thrilled to annouce we are expecting a third beautiful bubba, due to join our family in late July. A scan yesterday showed a healthy, happy baby with hiccups and even playing with the cord. As you can see O...... and A.... are very excited!"

And then I just left it and let the comments and likes go nuts! Most people knew by now to be honest, there were only a few who didn't. But now it is out there and everyone knows!

Introducing our little bubba bump

What a massive sigh of relief! We have had the scan, and everything is perfect!

Bubba bump is measuring exactly to dates. I am 11 weeks, 3 days today and that is exactly what came up at the scan. Heartbeat was a perfect 153bpm. Bubba was asleep when we first started the scan, but after a little bit woke up and then had the hiccups! Very cute!

Bubba was also grabbing onto the umbilical cord with his/her hands and kicking around a bit. The man doing the scan was really friendly and explained everything along the way - where all the important bits and pieces were and pointing out when bubba had hiccups. He also burnt heaps of images and a few videos onto a CD for us. The kids were both with us and I think they were pretty interested in the whole thing - the little man especially. Even the little miss, after she got over her fear of the doctors (she is not a fan of hospitals at the moment) and realised no one was going to do anything to her, she sat quietly and watched. After the scan she kept pointing to my tummy and saying "Baby. Look at the baby". It's really lovely having the kids involved.

Hubby had to rush back to work, so we haven't had much of a chance to sit and bask in the wonderful news together. I am over the moon though. I have had a big smile on my face ever since and have been showing anyone I can scan photos!

I am seeing one friend this afternoon to tell her. The poor thing, I sent her a cryptic text message and she was starting to worry about me. I've assured her it's good though and not to worry. The last two friends we wanted to tell in person are coming over for a BBQ tomorrow evening, so we'll tell them then. After that, we can go public. I was going to wait till Monday when I'm 12 weeks, but I'm not sure if I can wait till then! We'll see.

I feel like I can feel excited and happy and really believe in this pregnancy now.

Four hours and counting...

...my scan is in four hours. I'm fairly nervous. I feel sick, though I'm not sure if that is just regular morning sickness or nerves, or both.

This is my first scan for the pregnancy, and even though I have no reason to believe anything would be wrong, I still have plenty of worries and fears running through my head.

I think my biggest fear is that something has happened to the baby - a missed miscarriage. That I've been plodding along thinking everything is fine, only to discover no heartbeat and that baby stopped growing weeks ago, but my body hasn't recognised it. I would be absolutely devastated. I'm worried about the baby never having been there. That the sac grew but no baby developed, or that I have some other condition letting off the pregnancy hormone. What if I somehow just imagined this whole thing - completely created this pregnancy in my head so convincingly that my body started showing symptoms. They're my biggest fears.

Then we move onto, what if there is a baby there, but something is dreadfully wrong with it. I still worry about those few times I did exercise (particularly Group Kick) in early pregnancy. What if I overheated and damaged the poor baby's developing organs. If I did, could I ever forgive myself. What if I end up testing extremely high risk for downs, or the baby has some incurable disease or problem that means he/she won't make it.

I guess these fears are all common. Normal even. Everything is out of your control with pregnancy, and it really is just a matter of taking it as it comes. There's nothing you can do about it.

I'm also worried about it being twins. From the moment I fell pregnant I've had Mel teasing me that it's twins. Twins isn't the worst thing obviously, but it's not something that I would choose. I've never had a desire to have twins, and especially since I've had kids, I really don't have any desire for twins. I know how much work one baby is, I can't even comprehend how hard two babies would be. But, if it happened, I would deal with it. It would take some getting my head around, and I imagine I would be upset to be begin with... but I feel I could accept it. Still, fingers crossed there's just one!

One healthy, happy baby... that is what I want. That is what I'm desperately hoping this scan will show. We are taking the kids along to the scan with us today. The little man is really interested in everything to do with me having a baby and we have explained it to him a few times. The little miss doesn't have the same level of understanding, but I thought it would be nice for her to come anyway. Yet another reason why I really hope everything is fine. It would be so hard, so awful, having to explain something having gone wrong to the kids.

Provided everything is fine with this scan today, we will be able to tell more people. I actually told my mum's group yesterday. We were having a catch up and everyone was there, and I really wanted to tell them all in person, so I did. Lots of congratulations and hugs, and of course at least one person who had already suspected, as I thought. It's lovely really. One mum is about to have her baby any day... and then I'm next.
There are a couple more friends I'd like to tell in person first, then I guess we'll announce on FB, maybe on Monday when I'm 12 weeks (I think), if I can wait that long.

Anyway, scan is now in three hours and twenty minutes... Deep breaths.

11 weeks

11 weeks today. That past week feels like a blur. I don't think I was focusing on how far along pregnant I am, so the 10 weeks+ week seems like it never happened. Anyway, here I am at 11 weeks, with three days until my scan.

As I mentioned in previous posts, I have been really sick the past week. Well, I had two days in particular of feeling really sick. I then had one random energetic day where I felt pretty good most of the day and managed to get a heap of housework done, followed by another day of feeling sick (though not as bad as those other days). I'm still napping most days too. Hubby goes back to work today though, so I'd say my days of napping are over. I'm a bit worried about how I'm going to go with hubby back at work. I have really, really been leaning on him and relying on him while he has been home over the Christmas/New Year break. He has been doing a lot for the kids, getting them their food mostly because I'm scared of the fridge haha. He's been doing all the supermarket runs, he's been letting me nap most days, changing stinky nappies and doing most things I've asked him to. The housework has barely been done, cause apparently he doesn't see the mess or something, but all the other stuff he has been doing every day for over two weeks. And now he goes back to work and it's all back on me. Luckily my mum is still on holidays all this week, so at least if I get desperate I can ask her to watch the kids for me.

I weighed in at 68.85kg. Just checked, and I was 68.8kg last week, so I guess you could say my weight is holding steady. I've probably lost all I will for this pregnancy, unless I have an absolutely awful week of feeling sick. I don't know what to say about my eating... I'm just eating what I can. Hardly any fruit and veg, like at all. I'm tolerating food in general okay-ish, so I should really be trying to eat better. I've been eating a bit of junk, a bit of average food, nothing highly nutritious really. I have managed baked beans a couple of times though, which I'm seeing as a win. They have good stuff in them right? I am just hanging out for when I feel normal again. Surely it can't be too far off, maybe another week or two?
And as I've already mentioned, exercise has become non-existent. And I can really tell how weak I am. My muscles feel weak and unused. I feel weak, and my fitness level must have faded so much. I'm a bit scared to go for a walk and discover just how unfit I am. I haven't been to the gym in about a month I reckon. Still, I have good intentions. Just waiting for this damned morning sickness to leave. God I hate it so much.

The most exciting thing for me today though, which isn't even pregnancy related, and is the one glimmer of good in amongst hubby going back to work, is that our brand new mattress gets delivered today. To say I'm excited is an understatement. I am really, really hanging out for this new mattress. And I am going to be very happy to go to bed tonight. Our current mattress is beyond awful... it was cheap to begin with, and is now eleven years old and has had to deal with hubby and I being obese at different points in time, me being pregnant on it twice and kids jumping on it. It has sags and lumps and is just plain uncomfortable. Tonight I get to go to sleep on a comfortable mattress!

And lastly, my weekly pregnancy photo. I think I'm starting to fill out a little. I don't have that beautiful round pregnant belly, but I think I'm look fuller through the mid section.

Anyway, bring on my scan! And bring on second trimester and feeling normal again!

So sick... blergh

I have been having days recently where I have been feeling okay. Definitely not 100%, but not too bad. I (stupidly) thought maybe I was over the worst of it. Nope. Instead, in the past two days my morning sickness has ramped up and I think is worse than before! I hope it's a sign baby is growing heaps or something... that thought is the only thing letting me hold onto my sanity.

Two days ago (Thursday) I spewed not long after I got up. I'd had breakfast and then the fridge smell set me off. I felt a little better after, and then a headache set in and I just felt awful all the rest of the day. I had no energy, I napped on and off all day, I did nothing. In the evening I attempted baked beans for tea, and even though they tasted okay, after a few mouthfuls I had to run off for another spew. At least I felt a bit better after that and actually felt okay in the evening.

Yesterday we made the mistake of going away for a day trip to Pyengana. I woke feeling okay, so thought we'd be right to go. But I quickly started not feeling so good, and the drive out there must be one of the windiest roads in Tassie. I was feeling so awful, and about 5 minutes before we got to St Columba Falls, I had to ask hubby to pull over. I got out of the car gagging and then proceeded to spew for ages. Luckily no cars went past while I was mid spew. I felt okay after that. We did the walk to the waterfall, then went on to The Pub in Paddock to see the pig (who was sleeping, so it wasn't very exciting) and then the Pyengana Cheese Factory where we had lunch. I was even able to mostly enjoy the food. But then we had to hop in the car again heading to St Helens. The road wasn't as windy as the first part of the trip, but still not great and I was holding on tightly to the seat using all my energy and focus on not spewing again. At St Helens we had a little stop at a tiny beach. The little miss was asleep by then, so just the little man and I got out. It was good to have some fresh air and walk around a bit to let my food digest a bit. We got back in the car and started the long journey home. We went a different way home - through Scamander, St Marys, Fingal, etc. About 2.5 hours I think it took. I felt okay at the beginning, but soon started feeling pretty awful again. I was pretty sure I was going to lose my lunch quite a few times, but somehow mananged to hold on. Once we got back onto the main highway I felt a fair bit better - it's so much smoother and straighter, much easier to handle. We got home at about 7pm, and I literally went straight to bed. I fell asleep for a bit and woke around 9pm, got up for half an hour or so, and then went back to bed.

Today I feel... average. Not great, but not as awful as the past few days... yet. I just want the first trimester to be over. I am so over feeling sick.