Four hours and counting...

...my scan is in four hours. I'm fairly nervous. I feel sick, though I'm not sure if that is just regular morning sickness or nerves, or both.

This is my first scan for the pregnancy, and even though I have no reason to believe anything would be wrong, I still have plenty of worries and fears running through my head.

I think my biggest fear is that something has happened to the baby - a missed miscarriage. That I've been plodding along thinking everything is fine, only to discover no heartbeat and that baby stopped growing weeks ago, but my body hasn't recognised it. I would be absolutely devastated. I'm worried about the baby never having been there. That the sac grew but no baby developed, or that I have some other condition letting off the pregnancy hormone. What if I somehow just imagined this whole thing - completely created this pregnancy in my head so convincingly that my body started showing symptoms. They're my biggest fears.

Then we move onto, what if there is a baby there, but something is dreadfully wrong with it. I still worry about those few times I did exercise (particularly Group Kick) in early pregnancy. What if I overheated and damaged the poor baby's developing organs. If I did, could I ever forgive myself. What if I end up testing extremely high risk for downs, or the baby has some incurable disease or problem that means he/she won't make it.

I guess these fears are all common. Normal even. Everything is out of your control with pregnancy, and it really is just a matter of taking it as it comes. There's nothing you can do about it.

I'm also worried about it being twins. From the moment I fell pregnant I've had Mel teasing me that it's twins. Twins isn't the worst thing obviously, but it's not something that I would choose. I've never had a desire to have twins, and especially since I've had kids, I really don't have any desire for twins. I know how much work one baby is, I can't even comprehend how hard two babies would be. But, if it happened, I would deal with it. It would take some getting my head around, and I imagine I would be upset to be begin with... but I feel I could accept it. Still, fingers crossed there's just one!

One healthy, happy baby... that is what I want. That is what I'm desperately hoping this scan will show. We are taking the kids along to the scan with us today. The little man is really interested in everything to do with me having a baby and we have explained it to him a few times. The little miss doesn't have the same level of understanding, but I thought it would be nice for her to come anyway. Yet another reason why I really hope everything is fine. It would be so hard, so awful, having to explain something having gone wrong to the kids.

Provided everything is fine with this scan today, we will be able to tell more people. I actually told my mum's group yesterday. We were having a catch up and everyone was there, and I really wanted to tell them all in person, so I did. Lots of congratulations and hugs, and of course at least one person who had already suspected, as I thought. It's lovely really. One mum is about to have her baby any day... and then I'm next.
There are a couple more friends I'd like to tell in person first, then I guess we'll announce on FB, maybe on Monday when I'm 12 weeks (I think), if I can wait that long.

Anyway, scan is now in three hours and twenty minutes... Deep breaths.